Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The station mall

As the rains flood Mumbai, the local train stations are flooded with something else altogether.

They are flooded with whatever you want. In monsoon, it turns into a supermall, loaded with everything you need to be safe during the rains. From raincoats to waterproof caps and from waterproof mobile phone covers to colorful umbrellas… everything.

The advantages:

Point of sale: The place is bang on. For all the colorful umbrellas, the water-proof caps, the flashy raincoats, the floaters etc. the station is bang on. The vendors get the right attention from its target group.
Bargain: If it rains. The prices are fixed as the buy then would be need-driven.
Choice: Very wide
Quality: It’s worth the money.
Location: The location is very prime and very footfall friendly.
24/7: Well almost.

In the fast paced life of mumbai, the local train stations have managed to keep the mall culture alive.

I think everyone planning to enter into the ‘mall business’ should take a lesson or two from the local train stations.

Sleep-awake

For the past 20 days I have been ‘sleep-awake’.

I am sleeping but I am not asleep. It doesn’t make sense but it’s true. I can see things that happened to me, things that never happened to me, things that don’t bother me, happening right in front of me, when I am ‘asleep’.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if it’s wrong. All I know is that it is happening to me. For the past 20-25 nights I haven’t slept for more than 3 hours each night. During the day also I don’t feel drowsy or lazy. It feels as if I am on adrenalin. But why?

I don’t know. Things keep coming to my mind. All the wrong things I did for the right people. All the right things I did for the wrong people. I don’t think about my past. I never see things from my past when I am ‘sleep-awake’.

Why do I feel like this? Why am I ‘sleep-awake’?

I want to sleep. Like a baby.

I am done

I think I am done.

I don’t have to prove anyone wrong anymore. I think I have lived. I am content. I am happy.

I don’t expect. Anything. I have felt pain, I have felt happiness and I have seen circumstances which result in them. I have felt loved. I have felt hated.

I have done something that I couldn’t do.

My English grammar is all over the place. The words don’t make sense, grammatically. The sentences are meaningless. Initially I was very conscious about my writing. Now, I am content with it (if not happy). It was a challenge.

I don’t think or believe that no one can write like me. But I am happy that I can write like myself.

I don’t make sense to myself. I just feel like running away from myself. I want to rediscover myself. I want to reinvent myself. I want to rebuild my beliefs, my faiths… my life. I want to rebuild myself.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

What women want

Studies. Surveys. Reports.

For centuries now, this has been the most intriguing matter for the mankind. What women mean when they say this or that.

Movies made, songs written, surveys done and what not.
I decided to write on the most intriguing and the most controversial subject because my fiancé thinks I understand women. (Phew!!)

Like they say, Ignorance is bliss. I think all men believe in that. If you continue to be stupid, you become one. And if you are stupid, there are no expectations.

Don’t all men know that diamonds are forever and the best friends women can have? Don’t all men know that shopping can be a stress-buster? Don’t all men know that a ‘yes’ means yes and a ‘no’ means no (I don’t know also means no). Don’t all men know that coffee means ‘coffee’, not sex? And so on.

Men are materialistic. But they expect their women to be sacrificing, emotional and blah blah but materialistic.

Recently, I heard a radio ad which goes…

Man: If she says we need to talk… she means she wants to break up. If she says it’s nobody’s fault… she means it’s all ‘your’ fault.
Then another male voice says, because men don’t know what women want blah blah…

Well I am sure this ad is written by a man. Who claims to know what ‘she’ actually means. So doesn’t he understand women?
I think men like the tagline attached to them which says ‘He is stupid, but sweet’. Because, like I said stupid means no expectations.

Some handy tips for ‘stupid’ men:

Women love surprises, and of course diamonds.
Shopping is a stress-buster.
Yes means yes. No means no.
‘I hate you’ means I love you. (Remember this corollary doesn’t apply everywhere)
You don’t understand means ‘You don’t understand’.
Coffee means coffee. (not sex)
Don’t argue. Don’t offer solutions. Just listen. (Tell me honestly, don’t all men want the same thing when they are feeling low)
She is stronger (emotionally)
She can also be attracted to someone else.
Tears always don’t mean sorrow.
Holding hands is better than a kiss. (Even a hug is better than a kiss)
She is special. (Isn’t she?)
Learn cooking.
Say sorry. Even if it’s not your mistake (Remember ‘male ego’ is more famous than ‘female ego’)
She’s equally or more intelligent.
Say ‘I love you’ more often.
Don’t lie. Especially with ‘I love you’

So many more can be followed. But, what’s the point. Men don’t listen.
Understanding women starts once you stop analyzing them. I don’t think I understand them any better than anyone else. But I have stopped analyzing them. So I would like to think, the process has begun.

Till then I am plain ‘stupid’!

Monday, June 18, 2007

ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Fighter????

When you cant move... you become a fighter.

You don't have a choice. Neither did I.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

The Past

I was talking to someone about something that happened to me. She said I am ‘filmi’. I thought about it. A couple of people had told me that before. May be I am.

So I thought I would write something on my blog that’s filmi. Like me. About me.

I never felt like writing about something that’s very personal to me. I keep things to myself. Because, I think everyone in this world has problems. No one is interested in someone else’s.

Today, for the first time, I felt like writing that’s personal to me.

In December 1998, when I was in Hyderabad (enjoying my semester end recess from the engineering college), I was supposed to join my college back on the 11th of December.

I was supposed to board the bus on 10th. But, the morning of 10th December changed everything.

I met with an accident, and broke my left leg (below the knee joint) very badly. Maybe because I was too young, I could take the sight of my leg turned completely around, very easily. The car that hit me, took me to the hospital, and I was given first aid immediately.

Well I was operated on the next day. Okay the worst part now! On the 11th, I slipped into a coma (yes a coma), due to a long bone fracture complication (called thrombo-embolism). Well then I was in that comatose for 4 days.

Cut to one year later, the steel rod in my lag had turned into a beautifully bent bow, which had to be taken out and another one put.

Cut to one more year later, my leg had been operated 6 times (each surgery more painful and recovery slower than the last one). It had marks of a total of 65 stitches altogether. Both my thighs were deprived of the top most layer of skin (for plastic surgery), and a small piece of the pelvic bone was also grafted to avoid any shortening disability or a handicap.

All in all, hospitalization of over 2 years and a bed-ridden period of about 2 years, made me a different person altogether.

I used to wallow in self pity. People used to come to see me and show pity and when I used to complain about any pain, my doctor used only one word… Tolerate. I did.

Side-effects:
• Due to the fact that I was bed-ridden for so long, I had bed sores all over my back. (trust me they are far more painful than even a fracture)
• The left foot (the ankle), in spite of a lot of physiotherapy, lost its movement. I can’t say permanently, coz I’m still alive and there’s still hope.
• After those 2 years, I was addicted to sedatives (sleeping pills), for over one year.
• It really affected my engineering

The good part:
• I developed an interest in reading. Couldn’t do much more, lying on the bed.
• I became more patient. Had no choice.
• I always knew parents were selfless and their love, unconditional. In those 2 years, I experienced both the facts.
• Of course the girls. Where? The pretty nurses. From the warm sponge baths to even warmer get well wishes with roses, they did everything to make me feel better. (Some of them were really pretty. They used to come ‘off duty’, decently dressed in jeans and all, with flowers). Won’t tell you any further.

Well there’s so much more filmi stuff that actually happened, like when I was being shifted to another hospital (in a coma), there was no oxygen left in the cylinder etc etc… but I decided to cut that out. So I am really sorry if you don’t get the 70mm experience. 35mm is guaranteed.

The doctor said there will be a permanent handicap and that I will never be able to walk properly, all my life.

Today, I run… to leave my past behind. (ohh is that filmi…??? Will change it wait)

Today I run… to catch the train! (really)